In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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