I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
