Apparently you make a good broom.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
