the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
