and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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