so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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