So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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