this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
