you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
