when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
