You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
