He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
