Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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