my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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