This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Let's get the cat blown out
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
