ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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