do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize