his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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