The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
