this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize