Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
