i permit you to call me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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