margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
