I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize