I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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