first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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