Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
