im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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