I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize