white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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