Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So many bounce houses so little time
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
