she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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