Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
organizing the empties. That sober.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
