Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize