I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
