Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
