K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
