Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
