So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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