i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
