At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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