Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
