I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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