We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
