i can't believe i had my finger in that
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I could fuck to npr.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
