Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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