Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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