Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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