you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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