I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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