I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
