Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
