I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
God, I missed his penis.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
