i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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