It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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