listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
