Umm I'm too high to move.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
