im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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