I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think people are normalizing furries
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
