i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
