thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My cat gives me a boner
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
