I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
