At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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