Plan B is the new Plan A
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
