Small penises have feelings too.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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