I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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