Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
